Familial Love

The Intricacies and Expectations that Love Can Bring

unsplash — Sai De Silva — “the sparkle of love”.

The joyous amount of love enjoyed by a family can be likened to a diamond cut glass prism where the light sparkles in the sun but the depths of the diamond cut refracts, reflects, even distorts the depths and emission of trapped sunshine. To the onlooker it can be beauteous but when the prism is not in receipt of light because the angle at which it hangs does not properly capture the sun, those flat planes of the glass diamond suffer. There is no light. There is no sparkle. There is just dust.

And so it is that when a senior family member withholds or even withdraws love from the younger ones the refraction and distortions can severely upset their equilibrium, their emotional balance and sometimes in severe cases it can affect and distort their whole lives. Parental love is needed for children to grow and develop, find their sea legs in an initially confusing world. The children in families such as this must learn to strongly swim upstream; going with the flow won’t cut it.

This is particularly important in families where parents compete with their own children to be bigger, brighter and basically better than their offspring. So while it may seem odd that a parent could or would act in this way it can and does happen, and the fall out is dreadful as it is actively hurtful to the offspring who I believe has every right to expect respect and positivity from their parent; not competition and put downs.

The withholding of praise and love and the ongoing infliction of emotional pain to a growing child is I believe, criminal.

Looking for emotional stability from a person incapable of giving it to them could be so confusing for a child; plus the fact that a parent is emotionally void and incapable of loving anyone but themselves would be beyond hurtful.

But the problem could be compounded if there is for example within the same family confines one or two children who are deemed worthy of the bestowal of love whilst the unloved or maybe even less loved children observe and feel the difference. How would they or indeed how do they re-act to the worthy/unworthy separation of familial love and joy? Is it with anger? Sorrow? Confusion? Or does this intensely felt knowledge bring emotions that will cast long shadows that reach far…